Breeze-a-Phobia

It's midsummer and the temperature is in the 30s every day. As many of
you know, I hate the heat. I hated it during the summer months when I
lived in Bermuda and submerged myself in the Atlantic ocean as often
as possible to excape it. I hated it when I was living in the
Caribbean and it was all year round, either a dry, dusty, fly-ridden
heat, or a wet, muggy, mosquito-laden heat - but heat, every day of
every month. In Israel I convinced myself that it was all worth it
because I was in the proximity of the holiest places on earth, but the
heat there for much of the year was unbearable as well. I managed to
survive by dousing myself with cold water every 15 minutes or so while
I was at work in the greenhouse, and the rest of the time trying to be
in as many air-conditioned places as possible. Now I'm in Istanbul.
Fortunately, all the classrooms and the offices and the teachers' room
are air-conditioned. Unfortunately, the air-conditioner in the
teachers' room has given up and blows smelly lukewarm air (from
lord-knows-where) around the room. The school is in the middle of the
city, so it's not like there's a lot of open space and breeze. The
windows that do open, open out over the noisy street, or into a weird
closed shaft between our building and the next (the bathroom windows
also open out into that shaft, and the air-conditioners vent their hot
air into it making it not such a good idea to open those windows).
It's not really a problem though, beacause I go into the classroom
with my handy remote control, and set it up to cool me down. Then the
students arrive. Invariably, someone will walk into the room and make
a signal as though they have arrived at the north pole in February
wearing a bikini. In my quest to be an effective English teacher, I
don't accept the little charades as acceptable communication and make
them express their thoughts in English. Responses range from "Here
very cold" to "Can you turn off the air conditioner please" and
everything in between. At first, as an inexperienced teacher, trying
to please my students, I used to capitulate and let one of them be the
air-conditioner remote controller. In one class it got ridiculous,
when the person with the remote would turn it on, someone would
complain, they would turn it off, someone else would complain, or I
would start sweating, and they'd turn it back on... this continued at
a frequency of about 7 or 8 times an hour. And the air conditioner
makes a beeping sound whenever you press the remote. That system
lasted a day.
Anyway, at some point I realised that the problem isn't just the a/c.
Turks don't like anything blowing. It's as if moving air is something
to be avoided at all costs. Hence, the same problem occurs in a
crowded minibus. You sit down and a million people crowd in, and the 2
windows that can open on the whole bus are only opened to about 2
inches. If we go onto the highway, they are closed completely. It's
crazy! Taxi drivers also express their displeasure when I open the
window, but in that case I can just pretend I don't understand....
So it's hot. I'm hot. Luckily my flat is cool and breezy. I can't
invite my students over on a hot day though, they'll probably go
around closing the windows and saying that they will get sick. Dude,
what would they do if they knew that I sleep with a fan on me on high!
When it gets really unbearable, I dampen a sarong and wring it out,
then drape it over me. Breeze and water - enough to kill a Turk!